there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
