im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
