when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
