You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize