I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
