We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
