dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
