and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
PS: I just woke up from my shower
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
