Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
