So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
