I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
we're chasing vodka with high fives
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
