She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
