okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I need to align my fucking chakras
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
