so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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