GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
