When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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