I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
