i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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