it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize