allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
