i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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