We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
