I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
