Screwed.edu
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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