There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
