He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
