there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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