why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize