Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
this beer tastes like vomit already
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize