why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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