Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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