So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
