what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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