I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Girls should come with a carfax report
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
