one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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