dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize