Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
