His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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