go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
