this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
