dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
