You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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