Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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