she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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