Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
