You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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