I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
