His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
