dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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