Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
