well I can't set my house on fire every night
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
