party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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