im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize