He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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