Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
