Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
