you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
