i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Did I show you my penis last night?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
