I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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