You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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