Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
