Who did Billy Mays play for?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
