CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
